As 2011 approaches, I find myself in a bittersweet place of wanting 2010 to be over and to move forward from the pain of this terribly difficult and sad year. And on the other hand, I feel like I need to hold on to the last few moments of this year, with all of its sadness, because it is the year that I became a mom – even if for just a brief time. And leaving it behind feels a bit like there will be more distance between me and my beloved boys who came too early and left us too soon. But of course, no matter how many days, weeks or months pass, they will always be my boys and they will never be forgotten.
And yet, it is with a combined sense of anticipation and trepidation that I look forward to 2011 and hope that it brings us closer to the family that we are meant to be – this time through domestic infant adoption. We are literally days away from being “live” with our adoption agency/attorney and having birthmothers reading our profiles and deciding if we are the people they want to parent their child. To be honest, the idea overwhelms me when I think that at this moment, our child (or children) could be growing in the womb, waiting to enter the world and join our family.
And so as we enter 2011, I am starting fresh and sharing my journey. I am certain it will be a mixture of grief, and sadness, and hope and joy as I try to find my footing and find the “new normal” in my life that will forever be changed by the events of 2010.