Several weeks (or maybe by now it is months) ago we enjoyed one of our favorite types of food – Chinese food. I am always amused by the fortune cookies and wonder what my fortune will be. Usually it is something mundane and doesn’t speak to me. I rarely save these things, because I don’t really believe that they are telling MY fortune. But on this particular day, I actually felt like that fortune cookie was meant for me.
It said: “Where there is a will, there is a way.”
It was after our loss of the twins, at a time that I really, truly felt like maybe we were destined not to be parents. We had briefly discussed adoption and surrogacy, but we were too early in our grief to move forward on anything. Regardless, it made me stop and think about whether we would regret just giving up. It felt like we had already endured so much to become parents, I wasn’t sure I could endure much more – my “will” was starting to get weak.
I was cleaning my desk the other day, and came across that fortune. It brought tears to my eyes. Since I am now in the throes of our paperwork and process to prepare for a domestic infant adoption, I am hoping that the fortune is true – and that somehow (hopefully soon) we will fulfill our dream of being parents. And that all of this effort and heartbreak, the sheer force of my “will” can help us find “a way”.