Yep, I think it is safe to say I am fully smitten. And just in time for Valentine’s Day. We won’t mention it to my husband, since he is not the recipient of this specific adoration (although I do adore him too).
Today I had the pleasure of taking a little hike with a friend of mine and two new guys that I just met today- C and W. We did a walk around Franklin Cyn park mini lake (it is minutes away from where we live, yet in the mountains, so fragrant pine trees abound and you feel miles away from civilization). It reminds me of the summer camp in Colorado that I attended when I was a kid. Something about the scent of pine trees. But, I digress.
Anyway, back to the objects of my infatuation. These guys are flirts! And they pulled out all of the stops today – crafty boys. Perhaps now is a good time to mention that C & W are twins who recently celebrated their first birthdays? Boy did they get a lot of attention during our walk. People seemed to just be drawn to the cute little boys – maybe it is the twin thing, maybe it is just because they are incredibly cute and charming.
They were perfect gentlemen, and each with an amazing yet independent and unique little personality. Just happy little guys – excited to be out on a walk and exploring new places. We played a little peek-a-boo and practiced making their toys make every noise possible, and talked up a storm. If only I spoke their language. But the bright blue eyes and engaging smiles and grins were enough to steal my heart.
Afterwards, over lunch, I had the opportunity to experience the fun of watching & helping them eat – all of us getting just a bit messy but having a great time. C sat next to me, and was engaging me – grabbing my arm, and laying his head against me – phew, he had me at the baby version of “hello”. 🙂
A few months ago, this could have never happened. Me, twin boys – I think I would have been in tears, overwhelmed with thinking of what might have been and missing my own boys. But today, I can honestly say, I just simply enjoyed being with C & W. I wasn’t overwhelmed with thoughts of missing Quinn and Trace, I was just in the moment with these two amazing, beautiful boys and their mom seeing the world through their innocent, eager eyes. It was a gift, that time with the boys and their mom today. Because I truly believe that although I will always, always, always miss my own boys, I am also convinced that I am now ready and able to move forward and just relish being a loving mommy to a child (or children) that will come to us through adoption.
And here is the other thing. I have to say that I sometimes quietly wonder to myself if I will be able to handle this motherhood thing. It is too scary to even say aloud. Am I too old/set in my ways/independent? Wondering if I will become overwhelmed and ponder what the heck I was thinking in trying so darn hard to be a mother? While it is clear that motherhood is hard, I am and continue to be very certain that I am meant to parent. Today just made me that much more certain that it is a job I can’t wait to love.
So thank you C & W for grabbing my heart, and to your incredibly generous mom S, for letting me spend a little time with you all today – taking a peek into your lives and soaking up the amazingness of baby/toddlerhood. I look forward to future play dates with you all and my future child….hopefully sooner rather than later.
Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!