I dislike them both – rollercoasters and first dates. And yet, the path to adoption feels so much like both of those rolled into one, that perhaps I need to find a new appreciation for them.
I think the rollercoaster feeling comes from the fact that just about everything in adoption is outside of our control or influence. We must rely on our agencies, attorneys, the potential birth parents and everyone else to make the decisions and make things happen. Unlike infertility, we aren’t really driving the process, we are just along for the ride. A sometimes smooth ride, or sometimes bumpy one – with lots of surprises that leave your stomach and heart in your throat and wondering what will be around the next curve.
I remember my last first date – it was with my husband, almost 13 years ago. I can remember almost every detail of what we talked about, what I ate, and the tingly feeling (and he actually remembers what I was wearing). 🙂 I remember the nervous feeling, wondering if I was saying the right things – telling too much or not enough. Just all of that uncertainty of “will he like me” and trying not to get my hopes up too much in case it wasn’t mutual. Fortunately for us, the attraction was mutual, and 13 years later, in just a few weeks, we will celebrate the anniversary of that first lunch together.
Similarly in adoption, having your profile shown to potential birth parents and waiting to see if they will like you reminds me of those dating days. And having your first call with a potential birth mother leaves you feeling a little unsettled, a little insecure, and wondering if they liked you as much as you liked them.
I guess this is just all part of the process – so I’m trying to strap myself in and enjoy the ride – in between the heart stopping moments of course.