6 months

6 months ago today I became a mother. 6 months ago today, my first born son died. 

This upcoming date has been on my mind for quite some time.  And although there has been a tremendous amount of other stuff going on in my life to distract me, I woke up this morning thinking of that day.  6 months, seems so recent, and yet seems so long ago.  The day my life was changed forever.  I pray that it remains the worst day of my life. 

I can barely remember the person I was before I was pregnant with the twins. But, I no longer hate the person that I am after losing them.  Progress comes in small steps I guess.

Aside from the hour I spent thinking of that day and my boys in the pre-dawn hours this morning, I was very busy with other things today.  Things that distracted me and reminded me that life does go on.  Not always the way I imagined, but I’m trying to take the pieces and make a new picture  – hoping that it will be beautiful in its own way. 

Quinn and Trace – my precious boys, you are in my heart and mind, and my heart still bursts with overwhelming love for you both. I am missing you something fierce today and wishing that things were different.

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7 Responses to 6 months

  1. Nell says:

    Thinking of you and Quinn and Trace.

  2. Jessica says:

    Thinking if you and your sons today. It always amazes me how each day simultaneously feels like an instant and an eternity.

  3. Shedding tears for you and this journey you are on. I was thinking of your boys yesterday, not really knowing it was the dawn of six months. It must be so unbelievably hard as these milestones pass.

    Abiding with you.

  4. MyTwoLines says:

    This is a beautiful tribute to your baby boys and also such a lovely reminder of how to survive tremendous heartache and loss. Hugs coming your way.

  5. Michelle says:

    You’re in my thoughts, S. -MM

  6. brianna says:

    Hug to you Sue. It is not right that you should be a mother without her babies. I’m so sorry.

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